I’m pretty sure that all my life I’ve done things for approval. I’ve often said “I’m not motivated by money, I’m motivated by recognition”. While that’s true, I always wanted to be Manager of the Year, or whatever. I think, in reality, I’m motivated by getting approval from everyone. Then, at the same time, I’ve been more and more introverted. Tell me THAT makes sense!
When I first got clean, I was told to do a lot of things. Get a sponsor, go to meetings, pray, read literature, talk to another recovering addict. While I’m doing any of those 5 things, I’m not using. It taught me that I can do other things besides use.
Also, I’d found a place where I fit in. If I did these things, people would like me. Not that I changed, but that I didn’t disappoint them. I also got clean to show my dad that it could be done. None of those reasons were for me.
I was watching this video this morning,
and it reminded me of this. I was told 30 yrs ago that I had to “get rid of those old tapes”. That’s exactly what I’m hearing in this video as well. The reason I believed I could stay clean, and that I did stay clean all this time is because my old tapes were written over. I can continue to do that. I can learn and think and feel and believe new things. I can.
I also love this video because not ONCE do they say “get up early! Don’t hit the snooze button!” I don’t know why that drives me crazy, but it does.
I’ll be watching this exact video for the next 7 days. I know I’ll hear something new and important every single day. I know I can write over those old tapes.
