All is well.

I don’t know why I’m so terrified.

I have money. I just don’t know the right thing to do.

I also haven’t told Steven. I’m afraid that he will tell me to do something else with the money and I won’t want to, but I’ll do it anyway.


As I was writing, the landlord called. I can stay. No eviction. No sheriff taking my stuff out to the curb while I stand there crying. No living with Mom. (not that I would mind living with Mom, I love her bunches. I just don’t want to have to)

Rent is paid, eviction has stopped.

Why do I still feel terrified?

I feel like I’ve “gotten away with something”. I’ve felt like that twice. When I bought my first car and when we were told we could rent this house.

My brain screams that I don’t deserve good things. I hate that.


As I was writing THAT, my food arrived from door dash. Yay! I’m going to eat so I don’t hate myself lol.

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