I don’t know why I’m so terrified.
I have money. I just don’t know the right thing to do.
I also haven’t told Steven. I’m afraid that he will tell me to do something else with the money and I won’t want to, but I’ll do it anyway.
As I was writing, the landlord called. I can stay. No eviction. No sheriff taking my stuff out to the curb while I stand there crying. No living with Mom. (not that I would mind living with Mom, I love her bunches. I just don’t want to have to)
Rent is paid, eviction has stopped.
Why do I still feel terrified?
I feel like I’ve “gotten away with something”. I’ve felt like that twice. When I bought my first car and when we were told we could rent this house.
My brain screams that I don’t deserve good things. I hate that.
As I was writing THAT, my food arrived from door dash. Yay! I’m going to eat so I don’t hate myself lol.