What IS this?

I just want to cry. I don’t want to do anything. Is it the Anxiety medicine? Is it that I didn’t have the anxiety medicine for a week, and now my brain’s trying to go back to normal? I don’t know. I hate work, my stomach hurts, it’s too hot outside.

I’ve been doing my safelist stuff a little bit.

OH – what have I done JUST FOR ME lately? Ihaven’t mowed, and then it rained today. I guess I could mow tomorrow. I need to go get a car. It’s gonna take forever. Bonkers won’t be quiet. I don’t think she’s slept yet today. Yesterday was supposed to be my “be good to me” day, and I didn’t work – well, I did safelist stuff and calmed T down. What is it that’s going to make me feel better?

I thought I was happy, I thought I was thrilled with my life – nobody has it as good as I do. What happened?

Rent’s coming up. As well as some other bills. Am I just naturally stressing about that? 25th of the month, then when’s our lease up? Do I just have 1 more month here?

I shaved Dexter yesterday – he looks hilarious. I was proud of me yesterday.

S’s chair is broken again, after we spent $150 to get it fixed. come to find out, that’s not all that was wrong with it. It lasted like 2 weeks. Well, it’s not completely
broken yet, but it’s getting there. When I go outside to smoke I have to sit on the stool instead of the chair. Everytime I go out there everything’s rearranged.

what’s wrong with me? Maybe, it’s just about who’s in charge today. Maybe – since the lazy self destructive person in my head hasn’t been getting their way lately, this is just what they do every so often. I’ll never be “cured” of this – I have to make sure the right part of my brain is in charge. I’m gonna do some BR stuff. Then go to the R meeting and then safelist.

More will be revealed.

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