But, it doesn’t matter, it’s what’s here and I need to write.
My ankle is about at 95%. I don’t remember August at all, really. I was on pain meds the entire time. But, I was allowed. I didn’t get coddled or looked after or taken care of. I let myself do nothing for very long periods of time, as if I had an excuse. I didn’t surf or create products. I just laid in bed, worked and watched TV.
I never really went into “terrified” mode. Money was all okay. I am, however, starting to get behind on bills. S is mad at me because I wouldn’t ask his folks for a different way to pay us. I couldn’t cash the check, I let them know, then it was done.
Christmas was cancelled – W started screaming all day Sunday and M was afraid to have us over. I wish there was something I could do for her. J’s solution is to move and not let the kid know where they are.
I don’t know how to figure out what is important and what isn’t on the shopping list S makes. That sounds so stupid, and that’s why I don’t ask for help. It’s hard to say no. But, not saying no gets me behind on bills and gets me into terrified mode.
No solutions today, just trying to get it all out of my head.
I can’t sleep. I’m afraid to fall asleep. I know that’s stupid, too. Maybe I can talk more about that, later.
