You are what you think about most of the time

That one’s been stuck in my head – I’m very glad.

Earlier I mentioned in a post about people who prime their brains every morning to achieve their goals. I can see that over the last few months I’ve been happier, less fearful, more positive, but I don’t know that I’ve gotten more done. I’ve been paying my bills on time. We get to stay in this house a little while longer as long as we pay rent on time. If we pay on time for the next 3 months they’ll let us have a lease.

There’s just so much I want to get done. I say that all the time, but the fight with fear keeps me from doing any of it. All the things going through my head right now “if I do everything I need to do, I won’t have anything to do”. That’s… a strange thought. Don’t I want everything done? And, when I say this, I do nothing. Like I have nothing to do. Man that’s weird. How can I replace that thought, that fear with something positive? I can’t even wrap my brain around it, actually.

What’s the benefit of not having anything to do? Really, it’s been my life dream. It’s no responsibility – no work, no pressure, no time limits. Isn’t that what most people dream of? Ah. What if there’s no such thing as having nothing to do? I’ll be doing all that work for nothing? See how messed up this is?

And, what if when I have nothing that I have to do I won’t like it?

So, still looking for a replacement for all that mess.

I run my day. I decide what I’m going to do and what I’m not going to do. Here comes fear – skip that.

I don’t know. I’ll ponder this. It’s scary.

I will be getting a project finished today, however. And then I’ll put it in TEs and start getting traffic that way. I just can’t get enough traffic fast enough with Safelists.

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